We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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