i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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