When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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