i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
