I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
