Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
