You can't special order awesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
