You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
