I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
