You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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