RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
