ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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