Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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