i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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