i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
