Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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