pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have tasted many bathrooms
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
