Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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