Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
