Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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