I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
