I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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