Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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