P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Green mimosas i think yes
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
