I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
