i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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