Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
