weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
