I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
