from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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