Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
