We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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