drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
