I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize