She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
