i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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