Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
