Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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