You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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