Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
