this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
