My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
