too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
