Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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