it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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