It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
