She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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