You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The best revenge is premature balding
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
