Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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