But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
