From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
