i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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