but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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