my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
