the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
