But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
