Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
