Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
4 words: hood of his car
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
