I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
