I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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