Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
