So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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