mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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