I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize