Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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