so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
