I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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