i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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